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mood |
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 cynical |
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music |
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"it's as simple as that.." -Lonestar again (just received the cd) |
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I've decided that I really despise the awkwardness of being a human. All these frightful passions and emotions utterly *wrecking* my homostasis, forcing me to think about the choices i make and the world around me.. forcing me to *admit* that there is something out there that provokes me, I'm not just this lifeless blob of cells.
I'm thinking the visible and non-visible difference in each of us provide me too much with the false appreciation that I'm unique.. or perhaps it simply that I never felt a part of this social world, never saw any pleasure in it.
Hmm.. would this indicate that I really am a cynic? makes a horrible amount of sense. Even when I fall in love (albeit very rarely) i kick myself in the butt for not having control over myself. I become to mentally and emotionally aggravated that I usually end up suiciding that emotion through my own self-inflicted fears. *shrugs* oh well.
Strangely enough though.. I'm not the depressive type. I'm perfectly fine and happy otherwise. ...but love, this wicked emotion, has thrown me in a fervor. I anxiously attempt to reformat it into my own vision, but it keeps side-swiping me with the most obtrusive situations to deal with. It really is highly aggravating.
Of course, its easy to say, one day I'll meet someone or something that will change the way I feel and will overcome all the self-built boundaries I've made even for myself. until then, however, I'm stuck in this interlude of selfish preservation.
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chipper
anxious
aggravated